I'm an ice road walker. Thank goodness for Yaktrax.

Let me give you an example of how you can take the boy out of the city but you can't take the city out of the boy. I eat rolled oats for breakfast most mornings. I especially enjoy them with blueberries, banana and dates. But every time I dump a few dates out of the bag I look at them and think, "man, do those look like cockroaches." Not the most appetizing thought, I'll grant you that. But it's beyond my control.

Do you know why you give your bride-to-be a diamond ring when you ask for her hand in marriage? Because she's going to be your "rock" for life. That's what I've come to realize, at any rate.

Madonna. They should have had a billboard behind her with her plastic surgeon's phone number. I mean, for real. You see, I have this fantasy that when I turn 50 (in just a shade over a year) people will say, "but doesn't he look good for his age." But who the heck can look like that?

No matter, a few miles on the odometer gives you that je ne sais quoi. Which is why I tell my wife not to bother dying her hair. Gray is sexy.